How to talk with them
Knowing what to say can be difficult. The most important thing is that they feel heard, believed, and safe in your presence.
“I believe you. It’s not your fault that this is happening, and you deserve to be safe.”
— VALIDATION QUOTE
“I’m worried about you and your safety. I’m here for you whenever you’re ready to talk.”
— VALIDATION QUOTE
“You don’t have to decide everything right now. How can I best support you today?”
— VALIDATION QUOTE
Ways to be helpful
- Listen more than you talk
Give them the space to share their story at their own pace without interruption. - Acknowledge their courage
Remind them that reaching out and surviving each day takes immense strength. - Focus on their feelings
Validate that being afraid, confused, or angry is a completely normal response. - Offer specific practical help
Instead of let me know if you need anything, offer I can watch the kids’ or ‘You can stay
Ways to be helpful
- Don’t judge their choices
Staying or returning to a relationship is a complex decision involving many safety factors. - Don’t bash the abuser
The survivor may still have feelings for them or fear escalation if you speak negatively. - Don’t tell them what to do
Abuse is about power and control. Don’t take away their power by making decisions for them. - Don’t confront the abuser
This can significantly increase the danger to the survivor and yourself.
In Immediate Danger? Call 911
Help them make a safer plan
Always prioritize your own safety. If you feel you are in danger or if the situation escalates, reach out to local law enforcement or our crisis advocates immediately.
Document Preparation
Document Preparation
Safe Communication
Encourage them to use private browsing modes and secure devices to prevent digital tracking of their research.
Emergency Contacts
Create a list of trusted friends, family, or professional resources they can call in an immediate crisis.
Finding Safe Spaces
Identify locations like libraries, hospitals, or police stations where they can go if they need to leave quickly.
Important Note: Shelter locations are never shared publicly. We will provide specific directions only after your intake call.
Common questions
See answers to our most common questions.
Still have questions?
Our advocates are ready to talk through any concerns you have about shelter, safety planning, or your specific situation.
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